Re-post

I am re-reading some of my old posts and I found this one that I wrote a year ago. I wish I did not still feel this way.


i curl up into a ball in order to be safe. safe from the wars i have been waging on myself on my family and on my enemies. fighting every day just to stay alive just to keep kicking and scratching my way though this thing called life. i face you every moment in my dreams in my reality, because its always about you. the way i act the way i am its because of you. this war you have been waging on yourself you cant win. you got no place to go but down. no place to hide. no place to run. i can hold your hand till the break of every new day but it wont change a thing. its your time thats ended and mine thats about to start. thing is i keep hiding away from it. away from the chance that i might miss you to much. and you keep holding on, not letting go because i am not ready. and i believe you. i cant do what you did. i cant hold it together like you did. what do you want from me. i am just 20 well those years they turn fast. those steps are big. i may not know what i want but i know what i have to do.

i have to stand up on top of this shit and act.

its this world of love and hate really brings me to this place of

fear.