you poke my heart

This is for all of you who poke my heart and make me feel good again if just for a moment. Its for late night conversations about secrets and stories. Its about the phone call that I never expected. Its about that last blog comment you left for me. I want you to know, that even when my day is so dark and blue. I still feel the little poke at my heart that makes me feel warm and whole again. I don't know how I would do it with out you.

2 months

It's been 2 months since she left me standing here alone. I am going to cry today.

homeless

i find my self repeating
i want to go home
i want to go home
i want to go home
but the only home i have ever known
was the one where she lived
so where exactly do i want to go now
where she is i can not fallow
no choice
i want to go home
i want to go home
i want to go home
but the only home i have ever known
was the one where she rested
so i find i sit and wait
for the day i find my home
once more
i want to go home
i want to go home
i want to go home

i want to go home

My latest project

My newest project in my graphic design class is a self portrait. It was really hard for me to get started on this. I was not happy about the topic and complained about it a lot before I made myself do it. (ask grandpa Dave) Anyways last night I stayed up quite late getting started and I finished this morning. So here it is.

Trying

I have to try so hard now. I feel like its only getting harder. My school work just does not seem so important. My friends seem so distant, but really its me who is distant. Do I need to try harder? I feel like I am trying so hard but it wont make a difference.

I did get to see some old friends today. It was good to see them. We have been though so much the three of us. Some things include: middle school, high school gym, abusive parents, boyfriends, and pregnant classmates. These are the friends who they were talking about when they said "true friends." I am glad to have them, and I know even though we attend different colleges now we will forever be connected.

Mean while I just want to give a shout out to you my grandpa. One of the nicest guys I know, and probably the kindest as well. I'll be here when you get back tonight like you have been for me so many times.

Come what may

Seems like this blog like Lori's is just different now. Its not about a caregiver anymore. The thing is no matter what happens my mind always seems to come back to her. I miss her so much sometimes it hurts. Maybe I am afraid of forgetting her, or maybe because I really just still hurt. Whatever it is I just want to say, I miss you Nonna. I think about you every day and almost every hour. I wont ever stop missing you. No matter how many years my life has left I wont ever forget what you mean to me. I love you, and I promise you.

My city through a fish eye part III

My city through a fish eye part II