Thanks everyone so much for responding. I was so scared everyone would have forgotten about me. It seems like every day I get closer to the 14 the more the sadness surrounds me. It hurts so bad to think I have to go home on that day and face that she really is never going to be there waiting for me again. Its been a year, and a very hard year.
I have found someone though who has become my best friend. He is so wonderful to me, and although he never met Nonna he knows how important she was to me. Its just hard for most people my age to understand fully how much I am hurting. I want him to understand but maybe he just cant. Nonna was more then a grandma, she was more then a mother, she was so much more then anything anyone can imagine. She was my safety, my hope and my number once source of love. How can you make anyone understand all that?
On the 14th this year I go home for my thanksgiving break, I will have to part with my best friend for 2 weeks, and face my home life once again. I am not sure I am strong enough to make it though.
Monday, November 10, 2008
deep sadness
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8 comments:
Stef,
The day will be rough and not without sadness and memories. Do what you have to do to get through it. Maybe you can postpone going home for a day if that would make you feel better. Sometimes just hanging lose on that 1st year mark and doing your own thing is best.
Chances are if your boyfriend has ever lost someone he has loved, he has some degree of understanding what you are feeling. Allow him to comfort you and to bring you smiles and joy as well. He does understand one thing and that is the person he cares for is hurting and I'm sure he would give anything to take your pain away if only for a moment.
I will be thinking of you on the 14th and carrying you in my heart. Many of us have walked the same road you are about to embark on. We came out okay and you will too.
(((Hugs)))
chris said it all so beautifully and probably much better than i could have. i agree with her 100%.
we all wondered how we would get through it but did and i have every confidence that you will too.
keep in touch with us. love you lots. (((((hugs)))))
Stef,
I don't come to the blogs very much, as sometimes time prevents me from doing so. But yesterday for some reason I clicked on your blog from Snicks blog.
I am so very impressed with the devotion you had to your Nonna. And you're right, most people your age will not understand how much you are hurting. And you don't need them too. When someone doesn't have the devotion you had to your Nonna as you did, they won't.
But most will understand love, and hopefully commitment. And that right there will make them admire you so for your devotion. Most have not, and probably never will have the advantage you did in being so very close to their grandparents. What a very special thing to have in your life.
Yes, it will hurt on the 14th. And it will hurt knowing that that she is not going to be there waiting for you. But thats ok Stef, that's ok. Hurt is what makes us get through our grief. It makes us that much stronger, and that much more aware of how we should hold on really tight to the ones we love.
And as far as your best friend, he may not understand what you had with Nonna, but he will understand devotion, and it seems that he already sees that in you, or else I don't think you would be calling him your best friend. Seems like he has a heart, and wants you to be happy. You can't ask for much more than that.
So don't try to make anyone understand what you had with Nonna. Only you and Nonna fully understood that, and that's all thats important.
So you go home on the 14th, hold your head up high, don't try to be strong, and face your home life as Nonna has taught you. I've been told that us "Italian Girls" are strong like bulls, but we don't have to be with everything. Just do what will come naturally for you when you go home. I guarantee you, one day, it will be easier. There's no time limit. It's something that will finally come within, and only you will know when that time is.
Take care young lady, and just do it. You'll be ok!
Jackie (adcaregivers and friend of Lori's, Snicks and others)
Now why do I feel like I want to applaud or something after reading Jackie's post? Hugs all around to some beautiful women on here:)
Stef,
I have to agree with Chris. Please remember that I'm just a phone call away. You are in my thougths and prayers daily. Please know that I love you and miss you. Take care and have a few quite moments for you. Love ya little buddy!!
Jackie, you put that in such perspective..Thank you!!
Holding you close to my heart today sweetie.
Hang in there Stef. I pray for strength for you today and to find some peace. You are in all of our thoughts today sweetie. (((hugs)))
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