So many of you remembered me today. I am eternally grateful for that. It means so much to me.
Today is a hard day for me. I have to return home for break, as well as deal with the impossible fact that she has been gone for a year. How is it so? How can she really have been gone for a full year? It seems like just yesterday I would come home from middle school in tears because I got a C in math, and she would take me into her big work hardened arms and hug me. Or was it just yesterday that she taught me how to crochet simply by showing me because she did not know the right English words to use to teach me. It feels like yesterday she was playing basketball with me, under arming it and making every single shot. Or was it the last time i saw her when she could not speak or hardly even open her eyes? And the last time I spoke to her a few days before she died, when she barely got out the three words she had told me for 20 years every chance she had, "I love you".
No matter how long ago it all happened, it happened in the past, and today I no longer have her with me. She wont be waiting for me at home, and she wont hug me and tell me everything is going to be ok. I am a "big girl" now I have to do it for myself now.
Its just sometimes I am still scared, and sometimes I am not so sure. I just wish she could be here to tell me again, remind me she loves me, and hold me close one more time. I miss her so much. I miss her so much.
Friday, November 14, 2008
That day
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9 comments:
we all love you very much
dave
Oh sweetie, I know you are in pain but you have made it through this year. You have grown and she would be so proud of you.
By the way, I don't think we ever out grow the need to be hugged and told that everything will be ok. So here's my {{{HUG}}} for you.
Oh Stef, I am moved to tears over this post. The beautiful memories of you and Nonna told here are so precious and dear to you and they will continue to grow even more precious as the years go by.
May Nonna's love surround you, my sweet girl, today and always. She taught you well about life, love and all the things she held dear. She left a beautiful legacy behind...and her name is Stef.
Sending you hugs today and always. We never quit needing them no matter how old we get. {{{{{hugs}}}}}
Stef,
You "will" have Nonna with you today. It may be the sound of a crochet hook, or the sound of a basketball bouncing, or just the sound of nothing. But you will know that she is with you in some way.
Yes, you are a big girl now, but Nonna will not let you do this by yourself. Everyone is here to help you feel Nonna's presence. And you will. Just keep on remembering how much you were loved by that wonderful grandmother of yours. And the rememberance of her love will come through to you.
Jackie
It's OK to feel sad, Stef. There are no rules for this grief thing. I hope you know how much we care. {{{{{hugs}}}}}}
Sending big, huge bear hugs to you today, Stef. I too believe that your Nonna IS with you still...And she's smiling.
Very touching and heartfealt post. Nonna is living on in you and is so proud. Hugs and love.
Stef,
You are in my thoughts today. Nonna is with you today and everyday and she is so very proud of the young lady that you are and the woman that you will become. I love ya, little buddy. Gentle hugs to you!
I'm not online much lately, but you are always in my thoughts and prayers, Stef.
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