Future Plans

I had a few requests to post about my plans. But first I want to thank you for remembering me. Sometimes I worry that the time I spent on this blog was not real- or that the wonderful people I met must have forgotten me. But then I post and with in a day get 4 responses. Thank you.

So I wanted to take time off as soon as I graduated but instead I got a internship offered to me in NYC! I will be there for 10 weeks - working with Columbia University and New York Presbyterian hospital doing Ophthalmic Photography (using this type of camera to photograph the back of the eye or the retina. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundus_camera) Its a very specialized field and the program I am graduating in is the only one in the world you can study this stuff. Its going to be crazy living and working in NYC for 10 weeks and there is a good chance they may want to hire me after that because a few photographers recently changed locations! We will have to wait a while before I know if I got a full time job.

It all just happened so fast. I dont know what to think, and like always I am scared out of my pants. Really I have not changed much since I was a frequent poster here. Me and Nate are doing well as can be- considering our time together is ending and we are not sure what will happen to us. We want to stay together but he has 2 more years of school. Thats another one we will have to wait and see about.

I graduate Saturday about 7pm with high honors btw! I have 16 family members comming into down to see me do so - but I will still miss nonna so emensily. I wish she could see me now. I wish my grandfather could too. He died a week before I gradated high school and i was devistated then that he did not see me graduate. I guess there will always be people missing from these big important events for me. But I have to try and be happy for those who will be able to see me.

I love you all- and I hope you are well. I will continue to stay in touch. (I may be starting a new blog soon to record my new life in the big apple and i will post a link to it here. )

Take care

Graduating Bachelors of Science in Biomedical Photographic Communications Class of 2009!!!

Inauguration of President Barack Obama 2009

It really was amazing. Never have I been so proud to be an American as I was on that day. I also am so proud to have been apart of the movement from the very start. I liked Obama before most did, and I supported him when not many did. Since 2004 I have been watching him. Anyways I thought I would show you all some photos. I hope you enjoy.

Back at school

I am really sorry if i worried you good friends of mine. I am alright and back at school. Right now I feel like a giant misfit wherever I go. At home, at my boyfriends house, here. I just want to belong someplace and feel good when I am there. I guess maybe when I graduate that will happen. Right now I have to focus on getting there- and maybe I will get better on the way.

Much love to you all. Take care friends.

post-christmas blues

i have not felt this low in a long time. i cant even begin to tell you why i feel this way, not because i dont understand - just for fear of giving to much information. for the past few nights i have been thinking about it. thinking about how i wish everyone who loved me would forget about me so that i could just go away. i was thinking about going away. not on a trip. i thought i could make life better for others if i did. it would be easer then living. its not the first time i have thought about it. this was the closest i got though. dont worry i am pretty much chicken all the time- i know it wont really happen. but i was scared and wanted someone to hold my hand and there was nobody.

there was nobody to hold my hand.

Happy Christmas

Happy Christmas to all! I know its just the eve but I figured early is better then late. I wish for you all to be healthy and happy, and a few fun things under the christmas tree from santa. :)

Going back to school tomorrow

After two full weeks of being home I am ready time 400 to go back to school. I miss Nate and my other friends. I miss my house, and the way I do things. There are also a lot of things I wont miss about being home. That list is pretty long. I will miss my dog though. She is always loving me. No matter how many times other people tell me I am not worth anything she always looks at me and says "Stefanie your the best person in the world to me."

Anyways check out my schedule its pretty busy when you add in working 12 hours at an off campus job. http://schedule.csh.rit.edu/?s=hEb5LMI I am excited though. Its good to keep busy. Its my second to last quarter at school, and it scares the crap out of me. I am thinking more and more about maybe staying in Rochester when I graduate. Of course not right away because I have plans for the summer. If you dont know I plan to spent time with my grandpa in the west. He has always been wonderful to me.

I hope you all have good holiday seasons, no matter what you celebrate. I think our loved ones are watching us extra close from heaven now. I know I miss her so much, but we have to keep breathing.

That day

So many of you remembered me today. I am eternally grateful for that. It means so much to me.

Today is a hard day for me. I have to return home for break, as well as deal with the impossible fact that she has been gone for a year. How is it so? How can she really have been gone for a full year? It seems like just yesterday I would come home from middle school in tears because I got a C in math, and she would take me into her big work hardened arms and hug me. Or was it just yesterday that she taught me how to crochet simply by showing me because she did not know the right English words to use to teach me. It feels like yesterday she was playing basketball with me, under arming it and making every single shot. Or was it the last time i saw her when she could not speak or hardly even open her eyes? And the last time I spoke to her a few days before she died, when she barely got out the three words she had told me for 20 years every chance she had, "I love you".

No matter how long ago it all happened, it happened in the past, and today I no longer have her with me. She wont be waiting for me at home, and she wont hug me and tell me everything is going to be ok. I am a "big girl" now I have to do it for myself now.

Its just sometimes I am still scared, and sometimes I am not so sure. I just wish she could be here to tell me again, remind me she loves me, and hold me close one more time. I miss her so much. I miss her so much.