fast moving object

I amaze me. I really never stop causing more problems for myself. Everyone has a history right? Everyone has things they would rather never happened. Often I can cause physical stress responses by just thinking about mine. I just think for a few min's and then all of a sudden my gut starts to roll, my head feels faint, and my vision can even get blurry. Hyperventilation is not uncommon either. If I dont get enough sleep all this happens easer. I have not been getting much sleep. Last night i slept for only 3 hours. My friend says anything under 5 hours is not real sleep. Who am I to say differently.

Every time I think I get myself under control. Focused on work. Not thinking about the ugly stuff in my life. Something or someone comes flying back at my head. It can be stupid things, unimportant things. It just takes all my progress and flushes it down the toilet like weed when the cops are are knocking on the door.

One thing I do know, it that you have to take control of your own life. You cant let it be run by someone else, or just decide to let fate dictate you. It just sounds so easy doesn't it. Take control and make your life better, you can do it. What if I cant?

I will be alright I think. I know its just one of those times in life. I am 20 soon to be 21. I have time right? I will figure it out and look back and say "how the heck was I so lost?"