nursing home blues

Its on my mind all the time. I have spent probably half my summer at this place, with these people. I remember the first day I walked into that place. Its just down the street from the hospital so the drive was not long. The Able medical transport man brought Nonna and us to the nursing station. Nobody seemed ready for us. The room that she was to move into was not emptied yet. The draws still full from the last inhabitant. She had moved on but her stuff stayed behind. They all cried a lot that day. I was quite. I was invisible. I knew the choice that was made to place Nonna there was not mine. I wanted to take her home- but i didn't say that. I watched as the residents wandered the halls. I listened as alarms went off. They cries muffled by beeping. I wanted nothing more to leave that place and never come back. I didn't think she would be there this long. Its been 4 months. More then 4 months since she has been home. It feels like a lifetime.

When I walk into this place at night I can feel the emotion flood back into me. The urge to just take her away is never ending. The urge to cry is uncontrollable. Its surreal being there, like I have been tossed into a time warp. To a time when everyone is old- nobody can do anything for them self and only tears and regret can fill the eyes of the onlooker. Not being able to do anything. Just pressing there nose up against the glass looking in on the one they love as they decompose.

I hope you never have to go to this place. I hope you never have to see these people. Once you do you will never forget, and you wont ever be the same. Best keep them out of sight out of mind for your own sanity. Its not like you can help anyways.