Nobody is going to make this easy for us...

It seems like sometimes a loved one just starts to slip so easily into the final phase. Death may come fast for others. Like last bump on a long slide. Its not going to be that easy with Nonna I can tell. She was always a fighter. She never gave up on anything so easy. She wont give up even know when she has nothing left.

She cant maintain a good level of oxygen on her own. This is something we have known for a while but well its hard to address. She does not have the normal adult mind that most have with this COPD disease. She pulls out her oxygen and refuses to use the bi-pap machine at night. So she has been in a sense going untreated. It was only a matter of time until this happened. I get the feeling from conversations with my mom that there are some choices we have to make really soon. Or more likely some choices she has to make soon. Do they keep trying to force her onto the bi-pap? Do they make her take oxygen all day long? Or do they just watch her die? She wont go back to the way it was. She reached such a low level of oxygen that she might not be able to do much of anything anymore. A vegetable maybe. Its hard to see from here exactly whats going on. I know my mom sugar coats things. So if she says its bad, it must be pretty bad.

I want to believe in a god, I do. But I find I am unable to pray. So instead I will blindly hope that she passes peacefully. I will hope that my family will survive this. I will hope that I will never forget my grandmother. I will just hope. Just hope.