I spent all day at the nursing home. Me and Nonna were in a small room taking photo's of residents in costumes. Volunteer work. They liked it a lot. I now have to process the photos and give a CD to them to print and give to the residents.
I spent less time on her floor today. After yesterday I just couldent handle it. Mel had a stroke. I talked to her son today. He was very teary eyed. She has hospice in and well its just a matter of how many days her body will hold out. She had such a wonderful smile. I called her butterfingers for fun sometimes because we played ball sometimes and she could never catch it. Her family did not come often. They waited till this to realize how important and wonderful a person she was. I will cry for her.
My grandmother's roommate was taken to the hospital the day I brought my camera in to take pictures. So I was never able to take her picture. She got back today. I talked to her daughter to. She did not tell me what happened but it seems as if she is sleeping for good now. Just a matter of days. Front row seat I will have to her departure from this world. Right next to my grandmother is her own fate. Louise was a wonderful lady. NEVER before this have I seen her daughter visit. I even found out that I know her daughter from High School. I just don't know how you can leave someone you love at a place like that. Just waiting for the call that she will not get better. Whats the point in being there then. She might as well die alone. At least It would not be a lie. I am just so ANGRY. The painful tears flow hot out of my eyes. I cant go back there. I cant watch these people die. I cant because I know it is MY grandmothers future. I know I am leaving her, waiting for that one call. ITS just so unfair. SO UNFAIR.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
i cant go back there
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5 comments:
Grief and anger go hand in hand Stef. Allow yourself to go through all these feelings. Nursing homes are truely a sad place.
Being a parent is hard. You go through the same things. You don't want to leave and later you're afraid whenever the child tries something new. We are human and we have very real limitations.
It is my faith that allows me to do the work I've chosen. I could never carry this weight by myself.
Try not to be too hard on people that don't visit. I've found that some people can handle it and some just can't.
Hang in there Stef.
well i cant be hard on them. because i am going to BE one of them. AND I have lost so much faith this year, I don't know what keeps me alive anymore...
Gale:
Stef,
I know that you have alot on your plate at this time. But this will calm down when you get back into the swing at college.I know that there are days that you might have not want to go to the nursing home but Stef look at what you do for the residents..You shared some of the best portraits that I have seen in a very long time....(ole timey fotos 5 cent)Yea they were great. And Stef, I believe in my heart that these residents will miss you when you are gone to college. And I believe that some of the residents wait on you to walk through the doors of the nursing home. You with your wonderful smile, brilliant mind and kind words. They are going to miss you and your camera. So know whenever you need me, I am here for you.....I am so proud of everything that you do and accomplish.
you are experiencing so many emotions right now which is normal. you are at a crossroad in your life. be gentle on yourself.
you are a strong young woman even though you do not feel like it at times with so much to offer others.
you know we are here for you stef and always will be.
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