Don't you wish in life there could be simple and definite endings just like in a kids story book? I have felt for a long time like I have reached an end. Its not that I think I am done with life, but that well part of my life is over. Things are and things have changed. I think the only way for me to move on is to think of this as an end. Otherwise I will go crazy trying to go on like nothing has happened. I cant keep going the same way I was that is becoming more clear.
I visited her grave for the first time today. You would think that could make an end for me but it did not. There was no grass or even an attempt to grow grass. The dirt on top of her looks like it was just pilled there. Still so fresh and raw, and well unfinished. Just like my heart still. It seemed to only open up everything again instead of close anything down. Is there ever an end? Is there ever a time I can move on peacefully?
I forgot to mention the most important christmas gift I got. My mom said "its from Nonna." Its one of her gold charms, the one she used to wear most regularly. Its St. Anthony who's feast is on June 13th Nonna's birthday. I cried pretty hard when I put it on my chain right next to the one she gave me when I was born. I miss her and I cant make it end.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
THE END
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
what a lovely Christmas present stef, one you can cherish as you remember your nonna.
i like to think of it as a crossroad, or fork in my life, not an end. we have to decide what new path we must now travel, as our old one must take a new road. there will be uncertainty, but hopefully we can travel all our new roads together.
keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. blessings.
I'm sorry you are feeling so sad, Stef. Visiting the grave is very difficult and it will be for a long time. It's especially hard now as the grass can't even be seeded just yet.
I think it's wonderful that your mom gave you Nonna's charm. You will always have her near your heart.
I'm not real big on change either, but as Nancy said, this is a fork in the road. I guess change is inevitable.
Hang in there.
What a lovely rememberance you'll hve of Nonna with the charm given to you. Hang in there, Stef and as you are reminded of all these feelings, remember they are memories that you can cherish forever. ((HUGS))
Post a Comment