As the first major snow is raging outside, I find myself hiding in my room under crochet blankets. I got back to school yesterday. It was not so much leaving home that hurt so bad, but when I got here and realized I had to go back to "normal" now. The past two weeks have been totally insane. The lows and highs have been some of the deepest and tallest. I feel emotionally exhausted but all my friends seem so happy rejuvenated from there breaks. I wanted to see them, so I went visiting but I found myself brought to tears. I can't even explane why but I just could not be around them I had to run away and hide. I have not been so upset since her funeral. I spent the night in my room shut away even from my roommates. I feel like I am so different so sad that I cant even bear to do the things I used to. If I was home I might be ok, because everyone there went though the same thing I did, but here everyone is just happy. Maybe school work will distract me a little. I hope so because sometimes the pain is just unbearable.
Monday, December 3, 2007
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5 comments:
Stef I understand that feeling of being different. We have people in our lives who we have things in common with. Then AD hits and that becomes our whole life. Sometimes we find it hard to even carry on a conversation with someone that isn't AD related.
You will find your way back to that normal existence. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and don't be afraid to have some fun along the way.
i could relate to your post. there have been many times i have wanted to scream at people "don't you know how trivial you sound?" "don't you know what is really important in life?"
as time goes on things will get easier and back to a new "normal". and as lori said, try to have some fun along the way!!
Baby steps, Stef. Everything feels better when you go at it with baby steps.
Ugh, let's try it again:
Stef,
I can't say it any better than the others have. And it is ok to have a little fun here and there when you can. I am still taking my baby steps. I think most of us are.
Stef,
My heart breaks for you and everyone that has lost a loved one to this disease. You are in my thoughts and prayers....
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