I miss them.

I cant help but think about them tonight. They truly are a group of giants that maybe I never fully appreciated. They had long lives before I saw them in that place. They were people with wives, husbands, sons and daughters. They had pets and they did the groceries once a week just like me. Its almost easer to forget that they are like us. That way when you see them crying in the hall you can quietly walk past with out trying to comfort them. No I never could do that, I always stopped and tried to hold there hand. No matter what I cant watch them in so much pain.

I remember my first day on 3N. It happened so fast that Nonna went to the nursing home. It was a quick decision and then a quick placement because we were sure that this was our only chance to get her in someplace. It was the end of March and when we went up the elevator the first time I remember thinking about the smell. It was meal time, dinner I think, everyone was in the dinning hall. Thats not the best time to be there. Its nerve racking seeing all those people who cant even feed themselves anymore. The room Nonna was to be in was not cleaned out. There were things from the past owner still in the drawers. So we waited in the hall while the nurse removed some more things. When we put Nonna in her room for the first time, and she asked us for the first time (defiantly not the last), where she was I felt in complete shock. Alarms went off pretty fast around there. She had a mat by her bed that would go off if we moved, and her bed as well. So when I tried to sit down it went off, and when i tried to stand up it went off. I learned later how to avoid this but then I was ignorant. My mom left to get help and came back crying pretty badly. The nurse came in and saw this and just looked at us like "why are you even still here?"

I never knew back then what I would find in that place. I never realized how much I could love total strangers. They were not even half of who they could be if there health was better but I still saw so much in them. There were times when I felt like I could not do it anymore. Times I left there at 9pm and just wanted to cry so hard. Why should anyone have to be left in a place like that? I hated it. Death for most of them must has to be better.

Four of my friends that I posted about back in August have left this world. Of course plus my Nonna. All were giants, and I wont ever forget them. Please look back at my post, and remember them yourself. The more that know about those wonderful men and women the less likely that they will never be forgotten.

http://steflovesnonna.blogspot.com/2007/08/i-left-my-heart-in-3-north.html