The week is coming to an end. That worries me. Sunday I go back to school. It seems like years ago I was there. It seems like years ago I would worry about when to come home to visit her. Now there is nobody to worry about visiting. Except my mom of course. Its not the same though. No real need for it anymore. I feel so unsure about it all. About the rest of my life. About everything. I find myself starting to day dream. I will be talking to someone and thinking about something totally different. Its almost like I am in a different world then everyone else. I cant relate to them. What is going to happen me when I go back to school? Will I snap out of it, move on start thinking and dreaming of something new? Or will I be stuck, unable to move. I am scared. I am so scared. Afraid to keep walking and afraid to stand still. I just wish someone could give me answers. I wish that I could have had one last conversation with her. One more time she could have said my name. God when will I stop wishing for this because I don't know how much more my heart can handle.
ps Happy 201st post blog
Thursday, November 29, 2007
better or better at hiding
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3 comments:
somehow you will get through this stef, we all do eventually. you have us to talk to and i'm glad you will be talking to someone at school about your decisions there.
don't rush yourself because in the long run it doesn't help. things will work out in the end like they're suppose to. talk to nonna as well, i truly believe she can still hear you!
I agree with Nancy, Stef. Take your time and please don't be so hard on yourself. I, too, believe Nonna can still hear you. Talking to her can be very comforting. She may even give you the answers you're looking for...you'll hear them when you least expect it.
Stef, you will go on. You will find joy in your life again. You will have fun again. I promise.
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