---> Death certificate came in the mail today. Says the cause of death is 1. Cardiac Arrest 2. COPD and 3. Alzheimer's. I guess I just did not think to ask when she died exactly what the cause was. In the same envelope from the nursing home is another womans death certificate. Somehow they mailed us hers by accident. After the shock of seeing Nonna's I guess I just did not care. My mom was more angry then me.
---> Process clean up. My mom keeps giving away things from Nonna's room. Seems like every day I hear her taking to my uncle or my aunt saying "do you want...?" Of course they want whatever it is. They want it all and my mom seems perfectly willing to give it away. Its not my choice I keep saying but don't I have any rights?
---> The coat. There is her winter coat in our down stairs closet. I was going to bring it up to her room so we could take it to the good will but somehow I just could not take it out of the closet. I can still feel her warn hands that I have not held for almost a month now. She has been dead for 2 weeks. Has it been that long??? I guess it has been. It still hurts like I was just told though. It has not gotten better. When does it get better? Does anyone know?
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
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7 comments:
Well sweetie, I am not one to tell you when it will get better because I have no idea. Two weeks is still so fresh. Don't put time limits on when the pain will leave. Feel what you need to feel and hold on tight to the rest of us. Little by little, inch by inch, it will get better.
Stef,
I hope everything gets better for you. The coat...I believe that I would keep. You are in my thoughts...
Stef, I kept a sweater jacket my dad used to wear. I still wear it on chilly afternoons in the spring and fall. Keep the coat if it makes you feel close to Nonna.
Hang in there. There's no time limit on when it gets better. I can't even say it does get better after my dad being gone 10 years. I think year by year I've just become more numb to the idea that he's gone.
((HUGS))
i agree there is no time frame and if there is please let me know as well.
i also agree if you would like nonna's coat, let your mom know that or something else for that matter.
hang in there, we all need each other!
Sending a warm hug to you today Stef. I think you should take each moment, each day and just get through...There is no time limit on grief.
I ended up with my Dad's car and for so long I could smell his cologne on the seat belt...The smell is ALMOST gone now, and it has been four years...I still miss him.
I wish I could give you a magic formula, but there isn't one. I agree with the others, there really isn't a time frame.
As I sit here, I am wearing a sweater that belonged to my dad. Sometimes something as simple as a coat or a sweater can help with the healing. Hang in there, Stef.
I'm wearing my dad's fleece pullover he used to wear golfing when it was cooler. I am also wearing his wedding ring on a chain around my neck. I tried on his golf cap today and snuggled up to my mothers sweater before I packed it up in a box to send to my aunt who would love it as much as my mother did. I washed it but I can still smell her cologne on it.
For now we need these things to help us feel close. heck, I even have a bottle of Bombay gin that is being saved for me at work once it is emptied. My dad's last drink was poured from that bottle. One day I will throw it out but for now, I just need to have that bottle around to comfort me and help me through. Some days I think I might be losing my marbles but it feels ok for me to be doing this stuff. It's about healing now and we must do what we can to hasten it.
Hugs sweetie. Grab that coat.
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